Something I struggle with a lot is loneliness. If there was a list of biggest fears I have, it would have number one as falling backwards (I know, it’s weird) and number two would be being alone. And, I don’t mean like not having a boyfriend or not having my best friend around.
I mean alone.
Like the world keeps on going and you’re off on your own planet, watching it from a far, wondering how you got there.
And, I have been living that way for a while. Watching people that I love and care about go about their business and smile and laugh and for some reason it’s just not clicking with me. I don’t know if anyone else feels like this or if it’s just me.
Then tonight as I was reading Eat, Pray, Love while sitting alone in my favorite booth at my favorite local restaurant and I looked up and I realized. 
I was alone and I was not upset.
Then I looked down and I continued reading and the sentence jumped out at me.
“I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness.”
I don’t know why but these words just stuck out to me. I had to ask for my check and leave and I just went out in my car and I cried. Good tears, not bad ones. (There IS a difference.)
The book is great, about a lady finding herself when she’s 30; having realized this after a failed marriage and a boyfriend after that.
I don’t want to be this woman.
I don’t want to be 30 and just realizing that I don’t know who I am or what I stand for. I don’t want to be alone until I’m 30. I don’t want to want to be alone. I just want to be content with it.
-Kelsie