It’s usually a telltale sign of an unhealthy relationship when you have to convince yourself day in and day out that they are right for you. It’s usually a fact that all unhealthy relationships either need to be fixed or end. I say usually because usually I am one of those 2% of people who don’t follow the norm.
But in this situation it’s not the case.
I am the average teenage girl with an average teenage heart that has been broken. But, unlike most girls I did not grovel my way back to him. In my own way I pouted and in my own way I dealt with it but through all of this I have found something out about myself that I did not know before.
I always find it difficult to believe that someone is a bad person. Especially someone that I used to think so highly of. And especially someone who I love(d). (As you can see, that going through it process is still in effect.) Well today, whilst watching one of my favorite movies called The Holiday, I found myself really connecting with one of the lead roles, Iris. She said this when a friend was distraught about why he went back to his girlfriend who cheated on him.
“Because you’re hoping you’re wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she’s no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she’s not for you.”
I have thought about that quote all day and I have realized that she is completely correct. No matter how many times people hurt me I somehow convince myself with the smallest actions they do that we are ‘meant’ for each other when that isn’t the case at all. Most likely they are poison for my brain, my heart, and my life.
And, I’m just looking forward to caring about how the rest of my day pans out because right now, in this moment; I am completely and totally apathetic towards it all. I couldn’t care less if it’s an emotionless relationship, it’s a relationship and I just long to trust again.
I’m ready to get to that place where I want to move on. I’m ready to get to the place where I can just be happy and content with someone and not think about their motives. I’m ready to trust. I’m ready for this love thing not to be so difficult.
I guess you’re never too young to learn something about yourself though.
-Kels
Love that line (that scene) from the movie. Love Iris’s epiphany, recognizing the lack of health in her blind optimism. Love that it resonates in my own choices in the past, and it’s a good reminder to keep it in the past.