In the past year I have realized a few things. Well, actually many things but I’m only going to touch on one of them right now. This year has taught me to love slowly, to cry deeply, to hold the ones who truly care about you close, and to attack…but only if it’s from the heart.
That phrase came to me tonight in a conversation with a previous boyfriend of mine. He was the different one, if you will. He was quiet, shy, reserved; and if you know me, that makes him and I very opposite. However, I contacted him again because every time when life has been rough, he’s been there. This time I had contacted him for a different reason.
To apologize.
Now if you’re reading this and you know me personally, you’re probably confused. I don’t apologize easily when it comes to difficult situations. Unless I figured out that I’m wrong before the other person…I usually don’t apologize. It’s a huge character flaw, I know but we play with the hand we’re dealt.
In this conversation I had with this particular former boyfriend, he told me that all the cruel, harsh, judgmental things I had said about him were things he never took to heart. He of course, asked if I knew why and of course, I had no idea. And he simply answered this.
“You attack with the hearts, Kelsie. You attack a person because you know what they are capable of and what they are doing to themselves. You live with a pain inside of you that a lot of people see because certain people pull it out of you and you use all the energy and direct it out. I’m a better person because you attacked me…because you cared about me. I’ll never let you apologize for that.”
To that past boyfriend, I thank you.
I never want to apologize for caring about someone.